naked cricket

The White Bored 1: Why has India lost it

2012-01-20T22:15:00.000+05:30

Produced by Yash Chawla, NDTV. Rambling by Bored Member NC.
Shot on location at The Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

From Jan 7, 2012 Pre-Perth. First posted on Bored Cricket Crazy Indians

My NDTV debut with Bored Cricket Crazy Indians

2012-01-20T22:11:00.000+05:30

Last year, NDTV 24X7 featured us. If you can get your hands on a better quality video, let me know.

BORED CRICKET CRAZY INDIANS from Yash Chawla on Vimeo.
Better quality video minus the NDTV credits though

Sachin Record Tendulkar

2011-11-14T01:02:00.001+05:30


click on cartoon

First posted on BCC!

Gautam Gambhir's marriage

2011-10-22T22:56:00.000+05:30

First posted @boredcricket

Is Nathan Lyon Australia's Amit Mishra

2011-09-01T19:06:00.001+05:30

My first look of Lyon, and I think to myself, this kid looks a lot like Mishra – the obvious similarity is the vanishing hair. But there’s also this kidlike smallness about him. Then there’s this small coincidence that they both took five on debut. But what most will overlook is that both players remained not-out for no-score in their first test innings.

Both players will win their first test. I won’t be surprised if Dhoni overshadows Lyon, as he did Mishra, three years’ ago.

Yesterday, Dhoni, once again, did Mishra in. This after he looked like the only Indian (other than Dravid) who could bat at The Oval. This after 2-19 vs. Leister in a T20.

Relax Bhajji, with MS by your side, no spinner will be allowed to make it large on this tour – the one-dayers will see both Ashwin and Mishra being teased on selection, both could end up playing two games each, if not less.

Dhoni, Raina, RP at the Man U vs Arsenal game

2011-08-31T17:27:00.000+05:30

First appeared on Bored Cricket Crazy Indians

Rahul Dravid prepares for The Oval.

2011-08-18T14:21:00.000+05:30

First posted on Bored

Indian cricket

2011-08-11T01:30:00.000+05:30

When did you know about Lord's

2011-07-27T01:25:00.000+05:30

By now you’d think the Lord’s defeat was an open secret. I made an Early Bored Call at Reverse Swept Radio – “India will win Lord’s” around the 8th minute. To add some levity I also predicted India will win 4-0 along with a SRT 100.

Quite a few bloggers called Lord’s. Why don’t journalists make such calls?

When do you think India knew they were going to lose – when they saw the previous records and scorecards? After the ‘make it large’ spoof ads? After Zaheer walked away? When Yuvraj walked in? When Amit Mishra came on? When Saha came on, did Saha come on? How many extras can you have on the field before you realize, this is not the team I went in with? When MSD bowled? When Kapil Dev mocked him for making a mockery? When Raina bowled?

When Dravid was dismissed on the fifth morning. And flung his bat at an imaginary fly. He knew. It was good enough for me.

So is it correct to say that Dravid lost us the game for he was the only one who could have saved us?

Sachin's Cricket Break

2011-06-01T18:27:00.000+05:30

First posted on Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!)

What now for Sachin

2011-04-22T14:17:00.000+05:30

First posted on BCC!

Poonam Pandey Cartoon Strip.

2011-04-04T23:19:00.002+05:30

First posted on Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!)

Played boys, now take two weeks off.

2011-04-04T18:41:00.000+05:30

Our team wins the World Cup on Saturday going on Sunday, 03 April 2011. Sunday will and should fly past in a blur of manic partying. What have they got to themselves before reporting for IPL Duty – 4th, 5th, 6th April.

That’s 3 days max. By 7th April latest, MSD, Raina and Ashwin, will report to Chennai to warm up and try their gear before their first IPL game vs. Kolkota Knight Riders – oh right, Gambhir and Yusuf Pathan should be in on the 7th too. 8th April is CSK vs. KKR.

The weekend has another four games, by which time all 10 teams would have played.That's within a week from the moment India won the World Cup. England did something similarly stupid with their dates after the Ashes, and before the World Cup. See what happened to them.

It’s taken me two days to write this post, and all I did was follow these guys for forty days on TV.

Here’s the IPL itinerary. It would have made sense, if like 2007, India never made it beyond the first round.

BCCI, to hell with your crores. Spare some loose change in weeks.

Mohali Security Alert

2011-03-30T01:03:00.002+05:30

click on cartoon

First posted on BCC!

Dhoni, what have you got against Kohli?

2011-03-13T01:18:00.000+05:30

India could have won this match with 20 runs less. But not in the mood today, after the wins, a tie, how about a defeat, and for the Windies’ game, a washout for variety?

India is in a weirdly superior zone, and it has nothing to do with the batting or bowling choices they make. It is how they think, there’s a bit of cool to them. I think they know it, at least most of the players do, they exude that cool. It makes you win close matches, and not feel too shitty about losing tight ones.

That’s not such a bad thing really. What I don’t get, and haven’t for a while, why this crusade against Kohli – why are we working so hard at belittling the best thing that’s happened to us, all of last year, in runs, form, class, attitude, delivery? Why do we continue to tamper with Kohli – why the fuck are we constantly reminded that he cannot score or accelerate as Raina? That he does not bowl, Raina brings the bowling option.

Rewind damn it, why was Raina dropped from the one-day team? Runs, right? How much did he bowl? I like Raina as a player, his attitude, all that, but Kohli elbowed him out fair and square. And let’s not even talk Nohit Sharma, he doesn’t figure in this world cup, ok?

So, you got Kohli at 4, scores a 100 (83), 1st match, vs Bangladesh. In that same game, Yusuf batted at 5, came in the 48th, 8(10).

What do you do after that, hurl him around like some deadweight that can’t bat, not at Yusuf’s pace, or like Yuvi or even MSD.

Next game vs. England, you bat Kohli at 7, after the Maters of the Universe. He comes in the 46th, 8(5) exits in the 48th. Yusuf 14(6).

Next game vs. Ireland, tricky chase, it’s 24/2, Kohli in at 4 again, 34(53). Same game, MSD at 6, 34(50). And then Yusuf banged them, 30(23), while waiting on Yuvi’s 50.

And today, Kohli at 6, 1(3) in the 43rd over, after Pathan 0(2), Yuvraj 12(9) and Dhoni 12(21).

Where will Kohli bat against the Windies, will he even play?

It may not matter, by now, whoever makes these calls may have screwed enough with Kohli’s batting. Then again, this is Virat Kohli, and he’s a lot tougher than you think.

What has Sehwag’s 175 done?

2011-02-21T00:56:00.006+05:30

It made me play. I lifted a bat after weeks though it seemed longer, inhabited two pitches – one my gate pitch that has the road in between, then the neighbour’s driveway, where we also had a change in ends.

Even though I joked on BCC! on how the media misquoted Sehwag about batting 50 overs when he really meant 15, for long, I’ve wanted and secretly hoped that Sehwag will bat the distance.

Whenever we spoke about the first ODI double, I was certain it will be Sehwag.

Somewhere ODIs ceased to matter, and what Sehwag did in them even less. That his average was a misleading 31 something didn’t bother me anymore. I stopped trying to balance the 100+ strike rate with that unacceptable average.

Now I notice Sehwag’s average is 35+. But it’s taken him over 12 years and 220 ODIs to play what I’ve waited and waited for. And I don’t know what it’s done, except I played today.

And if it makes the rest of the team play, that will be something. It should certainly make them think – if someone with the one-day attention span of Viru can bat 47.3, what can I do?

Someone like Sachin, he’ll look to bat 50 overs for India, and another 50 for the other team.

It really is funny. Because Viru batting so many one-day overs was not supposed to happen, that it did, is kudos to the guy who planted the seeds for 50 over cruise control.

Before this, the seeds were planted in Yusuf’s mind – for a player who I’ve never rated on staying power in ODIs to hurl those knocks at the Kiwis and Safas was even more unthinkable.

But it was thought, and executed. Add Kohli’s hundreds, pre-World Cup and now in the Cup. Where and how did the makeover begin – when did the press’ brat become India’s mainstay No. 4 in ODIs, where did so much purpose creep in from?

Looks like the question isn’t what will Sehwag’s 175 done, but who enabled Sehwag’s 175 – and in that is the answer to Yusuf’s and Kohli’s runs. And of course, what lies ahead for India in this World Cup.

On Bored: Who made 175

"If Dhoni’s injured, pick me”

2011-02-18T23:50:00.004+05:30

Dinesh Karthik isn’t called BossDK for nothing. But what triggered his 154 of 83 balls (17 4s, 7 6s) – the strangely named adversary perhaps – they're called Hyderabad (India), as if BossDK’s team, Tamil Nadu plays only NRIs. Or was it the sight of another World Cup discard, Ojha – who went for 82 from his 10. It’s the Vijay Hazare Trophy, DK is both keeper and captain, and plays for the mother state of CSK. In Srinivasan we trust.

India prepares for the World Cup #21

2011-02-14T22:07:00.000+05:30

click on cartoon

First posted on Bored

India prepares for the World Cup #19

2011-02-13T01:30:00.000+05:30

click on toon

First posted on BCC!

Can Amit Mishra bat his way to the World Cup?

2011-01-27T23:04:00.000+05:30

Barely a month after Murali Kartik opened the batting for Railways, Amit Mishra batted at 7 for North Zone. Mishra's made 50 batting at 3 for India so not much of a surprise. Here, Mishra made 48, batted over 2 ½ hours, and partnered Uday Kaul for 36 overs, 124 runs. Seeing as he is captain, next time, he should promote himself to 3, if not open. With Gambhir, Tendu, Viru's love for injuries, and India’s with spinners who bat, Mishra could beat Rohit Sharma and Murali Vijay as the emergency opener replacement. And they can follow that up with Piyush Chawla as a pinch hitter.

TheWhatElseCanYouDoWorldCupSelection.

2011-01-17T23:57:00.002+05:30

If I was fixated on picking Yusuf over Rohit for the World Cup squad, then I would have played him in the first two ODIs instead of Rohit. And in spite of any failures, I would have still picked him in that hallowed squad. That is, if I was convinced in the first place that he should be in the squad of 15.

For me, not playing Yusuf is shielding him in South Africa, ensuring an easy and somewhat noncontroversial selection. Just imagine, Yusuf looking silly against the short ball, with another first ball duck. Not so good for the World Cup resume is it?

He will play in the next three games (instead of Rohit) and even three first ball ducks will not reverse the selector’s decision.

For Rohit, two games that didn’t really come off. Let’s say, like Yusuf, he too played a match turning knock, then what – pick him as well? That’s right, on the basis of one international performance, we would have picked Rohit in addition to Yusuf and Munaf.

Still better than picking Chawla, who last played a one-dayer in his teens. Who again, like Yusuf has not played in either game. But who like Yusuf, could quite conveniently play in the next three.

What swayed it for Piyush, more than his bowling, is his perceived added qualification: can bat - bats better than Ojha.

And that’s what kept Rohit in contention so long: can bowl; and if not for Virat Kohli’s run-making binge, Rohit would have pipped him to the fifteen. Notes: Bowling more useful than Kohli.

That’s what works for Yuvi and Raina too.

So when it gets down to pick that final eleven for the World Cup, after Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, MSD, Bhajji, Zaheer, the names inked will be the guys who will add up to MSD’s ten overs – Yuvraj, Raina, Yusuf. And then the second and third seamers.

Regardless of the batting form of these three, they will play most games. If Yusuf doesn’t come off, or worse still, embarrasses himself, it’ll be Chawla for Yusuf. And of the two, I still don’t know who the better batsman or bowler is.

On Bored: Why was Piyush Chawla picked?

Sourav's shirt after the IPL auction

2011-01-11T21:07:00.000+05:30

First posted on BCC!

Sachin's 51st

2011-01-05T00:52:00.000+05:30

There was a time, fifty one rupees in an envelope was both acceptable and auspicious. And more than the fifty bucks, it was the one rupee note or coin that we went looking for. While the world, and possibly even Sachin were hunting for that elusive 50th, it was the 51st that was meant to be the one.

He appeared to bind day and night, what with the time difference, and then, the 2nd and 3rd day – there was a cohesive force, the little sub plots, Steyn, the Laxman run-out, Tendu’s ‘what have I done tongue’, Sachin and his apprentice, Bhajji, the endurance, that counter 6 to his 100 (that I called it) – yeah, there was empathy enough for me, as we’d been watching him long enough to know, and yet begin to unknow, and when the end came, I was thankful for what there was before it. And I must have nodded like he does.

Michael Clarke and his inheritance.

2011-01-02T02:30:00.002+05:30

First posted on Bored

South Africa's plan for Cape Town

2011-01-01T16:34:00.000+05:30

First posted on Bored

Can a nightwatchman open the innings?

2010-12-24T21:11:00.000+05:30

You may not be aware what position Murali Kartik bats – possibly because you don’t think he bats.

But batting is a gift, and after Bhajji, it’s a gift that keeps on giving.

It’s now clear to every bowler, at least spinner, that if the spin doesn’t get you in, the batting will.

Murali Kartik opened the batting for Railways today. He scored 57 (144 mts, 96 balls, 9 4s, 2 6s). Good for him. It’s a shame his team wasn’t bowled out today, he could have opened the bowling. And topped that in the post match conference by opening his mouth.

That if anything goes far in India’s team selection.

I'm tired of the Bhajji vs Mishra comparisons, even Mishra is. He’s on twitter now.

But surely there are others who have not given up.

I suspect Kartik is still hanging in. Right now I don’t put the keeping gloves beyond him.

He’s only 34, been through a lot already, did you know, he even played for KKR – that’s a lot in one lifetime.

I’ve run into Kartik a few times, he always looks dazed – as if still reacting, somewhat incomprehensibly to the selectors.

Once was before an India tour, so that must be a long time back. And when I see cricketers I like, I just wish them luck.

So here I see, Kartik, by himself, in Priya market – and I call out, “Murali!” He nearly jumps out of his beads. “Best of luck for the tour” I add. If he spoke to strangers, think he would have said, “best of luck for the nets?”

Btw Bhajji has a first class average of 19.83 with 2 100s, 12 50s (155 matches). Kartik’s first class average is 19.21 with 16 50s (167 matches).

As for their bowling averages, why bother? The selectors don’t look at it, why should you?

“Don’t ask the fixing question”

2010-12-22T15:52:00.000+05:30

We’re in Tibet Kitchen. Apart from us, there are three others, at the corner table, two of whom are on their mobiles. One guy asks, “who’s driving…ok, don’t ask the fixing question”. I have to see who these non-fixers are, give them a glance. As we wade through our Thukpa, mobile man repeats, “don’t ask the fixing question”.

Go Tibet Kitchen 26961343. Don't ask the fixing question.

NCartoon

2010-12-13T00:59:00.000+05:30

"If Sachin Tendulkar can refuse a million dollar liquor

endorsement deal, the least we can do is refuse free booze!!"

First posted on Bored

Yusuf Pathan: Making bad bowling look worse

2010-12-08T17:58:00.001+05:30

There are players who initiate others into the game. Yusuf is not one of them. He makes players leave the game.

Quite often, he leaves himself, returning to his homework, where he mauls some clueless state bowler.

What Yusuf has going for himself, like Rohit Sharma, is that he is always a knock away from being picked to play for India. This he must know.

Playing with that kind of knowledge is a huge fucking boost, quite contrary to how some guys must play knowing this could well be their last tango.

Once upon a time Irfan was blessed. Let’s see how far Yusuf will go with his blessing?

On Bored: Medieval Pathan

The Return of Shukla

2010-12-07T00:45:00.001+05:30

Once we lapsed with our vegetable purchases, the cricket chats dried up too. Then on Saturday, Shukla waved wildly at me, as if to move the sight screen away from his tomatoes. I returned the wave, though still very much on my way. He then hollered something about the new lot doing well. I had to about turn, and walk his way.

I informed Shulka that Gambhir was hardly a new lot. He snapped back with Kohli.

That got me going. Even Black Basant, the headman left his high seat, and stood by us, listening with his eyes. In all these years, Black Basant has never spoken on cricket, he listens. Could be he isn’t Indian.

And here we were on Kohli, like he was family. Shukla let it rip, then I took off on Kohli’s winning 6. Shukla added somewhat solemnly, they don’t watch, only listen on radio.

I made a faux stance, recreated the Kohli 6, emphasized the kid’s rock wrists, the difficulty in taking from outside off, hitting over long on.

Kohli added a good few MCs, BCs. Later, when I was on my way, it struck me, neither of us mentioned his old flame, Jadeja.

Btw I did mention Shukla and his Jadeja-Azhar fixation in my Test Match Sofa interview. And I will mention it to him today. Guess he'll tell me he doesn't have a computer. With a BC for good measure.

England are slipping

2010-12-05T23:49:00.001+05:30

From the loss of one wicket, in a full day’s play at Brisbane, they have now repeatedly lost two wickets - on the 2nd and 3rd days at Adelaide. The first day was much better where they finished play at 1/0 – it can be argued that Strauss and Cook faced only one over, but look at Australia, they were 0/2, and that was of just 5 balls.

The itch

2010-12-01T01:01:00.000+05:30

If you were at the Gabba, they’d be off by now. But this is Delhi. The streets still play. As I walk past K-60 something, a button of a boy is being hurled balls at – he digs a yorker length, which compels me to walk forward, eyes backwards. I see the next delivery, much shorter, bounce beats him, and smacks the wall wicket but it's way too high. The two bully elders inform kiddo he’s OUT, and work their way to snatch his bat. Kiddo argues as his voice is drowned by the authority of age. It’s pissing the hell out of me, I’m three houses ahead, almost in a tame Let it Be mode. I look back, yell, OOOONCHA THA!

Enough fucking watch, wanna play.

Peter Siddle at the dentist

2010-11-26T11:17:00.000+05:30

On second thoughts...please don't open your mouth...sir

First posted on Bored

On Bored: Player Profiles: Siddle + Ponting

The sub continent saves test cricket

2010-11-17T01:47:00.000+05:30

First Brendon McCullum helped himself to a hundred and fries, then went back for a double and a shake. Further South that Gayle dude cracked a triple. Not that he knows who Bradman is, but by accident he fell short of the hallowed 334. Speaking to Gayle, I’m told he wanted nothing to do with slow-coach Tubby Taylor’s 334.

Basically, Mc’s double and Gayle’s triple drew it for the islanders. Now the Lankans can go bat to oblivion but they still can’t win the match. A thousand is on the cards, expect Sangakkara to make a case for a sixth day as he pursues his first five hundred plus score.

Elsewhere, Pakistan playing another home-away series, in idyllic sub continental settings drew one unexpectedly. In comparison to the scores on display, Younis Khan settled for a lowly 131. A true match saving innings, wasting everybody’s time including his. He even smiled, in spite of batting with Misbah.

MoYo on Zulqarnain Haider

2010-11-09T14:28:00.001+05:30

First appeared on Bored Cricket Crazy Indians

NCartoon

2010-11-08T01:57:00.002+05:30

"I refuse to clean your shit for you this time...
who do you think I am, VVS Laxman???"

On Bored: Chris Martin's Investigations

Angelo Mathews plays Australia, like he’s playing India.

2010-11-04T02:52:00.001+05:30

Mathews’ career average is a youthful 33, his average against India, more like a hundred. That’s perception. Reality, his highest score before today, was against India, 75. He played India, like Bangladesh played the Kiwis.

I’ve heard a few Mathews’ post match interviews, can be easily misconstrued as cocky – he talks of his skills more in Sehwagspeak. And that’s something that struck me today, while writing this. Previously, Mathews to me was just another in your face teenager. And his captain Sanga, with his almost salesmanlike endorsements of the kid, his brand manager.

And then Mathews made the MCG seem small today. And all I can recall is Mathews standing silently alongside his captain, who spoke some more.

On Bored: Malinga speaks

Deepak Chahar raises Ranji hopes

2010-11-02T13:42:00.000+05:30

What yaar, you said 8 wickets, since I've been here

not a single fucking wicket has fallen!!!!!!

On Bored: Chahar's interview

Shahid Afridi's Attention Span

2010-10-29T19:42:00.000+05:30

"I hit that big six you know auntie always tells me Kamran dropped it very nice kebabs the way I am senior Karachi and Lahore are forget England I like to watch Bollywood movies especially long drives in my new car"

First posted on Bored

The very latest on the Kochi franchise's future

2010-10-27T23:32:00.000+05:30

click on cartoon

First posted on Bored

On Bored: Kochi unveils its IPL logo

Nohit Sharma's Guide to Goa.

2010-10-23T13:00:00.003+05:30

There is so much more than playing cricket. Some of us are lucky enough not to be picked for the final eleven, and Garry sir is nice enough to tell us in advance so we can work on our extracurricular activities. Yesterday I caught a big fish at the shack. Then I caught some mussels rawa fry. After that I caught some calamari. For dessert, I caught a shrimp cocktail. Then I caught some sleep. When I woke up the boys were playing on my paunch. Then I caught a walk on the beach. Some kids were playing beach cricket. After signing autographs I was hungry again. I caught a big fish. Then I caught some mussels rawa fry.

It started to rain. I had to leave my meal midway. Lucky me, the boys were just going for dinner, and they insisted I join them for a bite. I caught a big fish.

I was only halfway through my fish and the boys had finished their meals. But they were sweet enough to wait for me. I thought it was rude to eat alone, so I decided to order room service.

In the room some of us played book cricket. I excused myself as room-service had delivered the rest of my meal. Some of the boys were still hungry so I shared my meal with them.

Later when nobody was looking I took off to the coffee shop. I caught a big fish.

On Bored: A kinda cricket detox

My chat on Test Match Sofa

2010-10-07T22:27:00.004+05:30

From All India Radio to Test Match Sofa

2010-10-03T03:54:00.001+05:30

Over three years' back I did my first radio show with All India Radio. This is what I wrote then. And later today, some more radio with Test Match Sofa - as a Bored Member for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians. And this is what I wrote then.

I'll be on during the lunchbreak, 11.35 am onwards. Listen to me play with cricket.

The Genuine Ijaz Butt Apology.

2010-10-01T01:05:00.000+05:30

This cartoon was first posted on Bored
Also on Bored: A 1000 bored ways to like cricket

Look how Che Pujara talks

2010-09-24T19:31:00.000+05:30

First posted on Bored
On Bored: Song for Che

Sachin, Yuvi and Che in the same sentence

2010-09-23T10:51:00.003+05:30

Thank You Sachin, again.
After taking time out to play the test series in Sri Lanka, Sachin took time out to gear up for the Mumbai Indians’ to play in the Champions League, (simultaneously taking time out from the one-day series in Lanka); and now that Sachin’s team has been eliminated, he will take time out to gear up for the India Australia series. Sachin is always taking time out to serve Indian cricket, yet he is not called a great servant of Indian cricket, that is reserved for Kumble.

Yuvraj Singh Ltd.
It’s hard to tell whether the news is into Yuvi or Yivi’s into the news, but it’s certain they both get off on each other. It has also been established that Yuvi is a limited cricketer, limited overs cricket is but an ode to his cricket. If he had never played a test match, he would still be playing limited overs cricket. Even when he plays tests, he plays limited overs.

Who is Che Pujara?
Not many know who Cheteshwar Pujara is, so figuring out who Che Pujara is, is doubly difficult. Long time back I wrote Che for Dummies and I had not even watched him bat. This made me eligible to become an Indian selector, for they too had not seen him bat. They were still watching Nohit Sharma bat in the IPL, Yuvi bat in the IPL parties, you know how it is. To make Cheteshwar - Che was a smart ploy – it will be easier for Ravi Shastri to parrot his name. And you know, when he parrots something, something gotta give.

Che has achieved more this week than he will his entire cricketing life. His name made it in the same headline as Yuvraj Singh. “Yuvraj dropped, Pujara picked”. In this post too, we have been respectful of the hierarchy of Indian cricket, and the Yuvi section precedes Pujara.

On Bored: New CSK TVC

Ijaz Butt is a Cartoon

2010-09-21T15:30:00.001+05:30

First posted on Bored, here

Mumbai Indians in a fix.

2010-09-14T19:44:00.002+05:30

After losing their first game, Mumbai Indians gather for a private screening of MI (Mission Impossible). Prior to the screening, there’s an argument between the cricketers

Pollard: Awww Maaan, I already seen dat movie

Bhajji: Sachin has selected it Kiran…

Bravo: Can’t we see MI2 maan

Bhajji: Next Tiwary will say can’t we see MI in Hindi…

Tiwary: Can’t we see MI in Hindi…

Bhajji is exasperated and draws for his hand to slap someone, he flinches, twitches, is about to…when Sachin walks in…and with him a cool breeze..

Bhajji: Thank You Sachin for coming…we can’t decide on which version of MI to play

Sachin: Oh that…yeah, selection kept me awake at night.. I was thinking…(looks at Saurabh Tiwary)…ok, you wanna play?

Tiwary: Hindi version…

Sachin: Tiwary, we’ve been through this before…we can’t play a Hindi version…we have to play 4 foreigners…Pollard, what do you say?

Pollard: Awww man, I dunno…I was telling Bhajji, I’ve seen it all…

Sachin: Oh, you want a totally new version…an untried side because MI didn’t come off…Bravo??

Bravo: MI2 is cool with me Sach

Sachin: Bhajji, what do you say, MI or MI2?

Bhajji is going nuts, but he can’t insult or contradict Sachin – instead he slaps himself.

On Bored: More cricket films

Mazhar Majeed speaks to Salman's Butt

2010-09-03T14:47:00.002+05:30

click on cartoon

First posted on Bored as part of the Butt speak series

Rage.

2010-08-30T02:03:00.001+05:30

Yeh kya hua…kaise hua…kyon hua…plays, as a 17 year old kid runs up a derelict spiral staircase to his pad. Interspersed is also the news of Pakistani players spot fixing.

The kid kicks open his room door – he enters a room that’s plastered with cricket posters from wall to wall.

He starts to hurl stuff around in a rage. The TV is on, something about the spot fixing…he hurls a cricket ball at the TV. TV explodes.

By now the boy’s gone nuts ripping his room apart, running a knife through the cricketer’s posters. When he’s done with the posters, and there’s nothing left to deface, he pauses for a second.

He notices the tattoo on his arm – there’s a heart, followed by the word Cricket.

He rips into his tattoo with the knife. Blood.

This was a film idea I had 10 years back during the match fixing scandal. The kid was Indian, the location was the room over my garage. Since then the stairs have mended and the kid's nationality has changed. If you want to make the film, let's talk.

Broad implications

2010-08-28T13:12:00.001+05:30

Cricket has bad days. Yesterday was one such day, Broad made a hundred.

What does this mean – he is England’s answer to the world’s first true all-rounder. Not just a bowler, batsman, but good enough to be a match-referee. Under him, the Barmy Army will rechristen itself Daddy’s army.

Freddie Flintoff will finally retire from all forms of cricket. He will become the first retainer waterboy, Yuvi, the second – the two will sledge each other in drinks' breaks the world over. ‘Look at you…you should be carrying Diet Coke.”

On Bored: Broad celebrates maiden hundred

A single man

2010-08-21T11:49:00.001+05:30

I didn’t always like Younis Khan. There was an ugliness to his batting and he scored far too much against India. Then Pakistan and India stopped playing each other, Younis stopped making runs, still he smiled. Then Pakistan stopped playing altogether, still he smiled. Then Pakistan started playing, Younis didn’t make many runs, still he smiled.

The exact sequence of events is a mere approximation, but it is true, Younis smiled through it all. He captained them to the T20 World Cup, and then walked away from T20 cricket itself. It is not clear whether Dravid got into his ear, or for that matter in Graeme Smith’s ear, but to win and call it quits, it takes a deep rooted understanding of sport’s greatest clichés – quit when on top. Explains why Sachin goes away every few months, he’s on top, gotta sustain it.

But this is about Younis. It’s mind boggling that Pak plays test cricket and he does not. If Shoaib Malik can be given a second chance, we should even revisit bodyline.

As for Younis, he’s had it far from easy; in his young life he had already lost many of his family, guess that smile is one way of staying sane. And then to contend with Pakistan cricket.

For me, he’s always been their man at 3 – 12 of his 16 centuries are at that position, in those 12, there’s a double, a triple, and a score of 199.

Instead, Pak have found in a debutant, Wahab Riaz, a number three batsman. Sure he came in as a nightwatchman, but 27 runs, accumulated over close to two hours, that’s more than all their No 3 suitors have batted collectively.

Lest we forget, Younis averages over 50, both at 3, and in his career. At three, he’s a few more decimal points than his career average. For someone as fickle as Ijaz Butt, and his band of hoodlums, if anything those decimal points could make the difference, as they refuse to see the larger picture.

But for Younis to return, Pakistan must lose to England at the Oval and at Lord’s, and Butt must sustain his poor form. The cyclical nature of Pak cricket will continue, and by next year, I will be captain, playing my first test for Pakistan.

On Bored: A day in the life of Younis Khan

Welcome back MoYo.

2010-08-20T01:37:00.002+05:30

I like it when players come out of retirement. MoYo was sulking when he went away. Back at the Oval, he looked one with the universe of cricket again. This was his scene, he was the man, amongst his pre-pubescent teammates.

It’s when you reacquaint yourself with the minor quirks of a player that you realize how much you like the guy’s cricket – his nod to the non-striker, in a weird way, reminded me of Sachin’s nod to himself. Those crazy, black holes for eyes, where many a bowler's been lost.

His beard made me curious as always, and I realized it’s not as long as I make it in the toons – bit it’s still a caricature of a beard. But that’s MoYo, he’s been something a cartoon.

But can this cartoon play. From the defence, to the nod to the bowler, the few steps down, after one of those defensive blocks, and his movement across the crease. His communication with Azhar Ali, looked like he was shepherding a favourite nephew.

And then that cover drive, isn’t that why we want to watch MoYo? But the shot of the day, and you’d be lucky if you saw it, was MoYo waiting, waiting, waiting…playing the quick late, like he was a slow train coming, angled bat, fine, well past second slip, to third man for four. It had to be third man, for that’s where MoYo loves it.

If MoYo wasn’t so eccentric, we’d talk about his cricket more.

On Bored: Loads more on MoYo

Sri Lanka's 'ICC Spirit of cricket' award winning performance:

2010-08-18T17:38:00.001+05:30

On Bored: Aftermath of Randivgate

Randiv: Inspired by Murali

2010-08-17T00:47:00.000+05:30

On Bored: Randiv's inspiration

Yuvi sings the blues

2010-08-16T00:59:00.000+05:30

hey, hey, hey
Why do i gotta play
play such a slow game
slow game slow game slow game
why do i gotta think
think before i play
play such a slow game
these spinners and these swinging balls
that leave me, leave me, leave me
outside off, off, off, off
it's not on baby, it's not on baby
I wanna throw the kitchen sink at you
But they say somebody gotta do the dishes first
Hey, I don't wanna do the dishes baby
I just wanna throw the kitchen sink at you baby
But this test cricket, oh she's such a bitch, baby
She wants me to think, think, think
But what about the **%$#% Sehwag
He don't think, he don't think
And I'm the chosen one baby
I've been chosen, not once, but twice, thrice,
But so many times baby

If only it was easy as in Pakistan
I'd just retire from test cricket
Y'kno Boom Boom played 27 tests in 12 years
Oh man, that's so fucking cute
And I, what I do
I played 34 tests in 7 years
My average is 35, his something 36
No wonder I'm singing the blues

And now here I am sick in Sri Lanka
No, no, no don't get me wrong
I'm not sick of Sri Lanka
I'm sick in Sri Lanka
I may not retire from test cricket
but hell, am gonna retire for the night

There's a big game on tomorrow
And small mercies, I'm not playing
I'm gonna get better
and whip some one-day sides ass into shape
Till then, till then, it's not as bad as it seems
No sour grapes, no sour grapes, baby
I'm gonna snarl back into shape.
F*ck you dengue

On Bored: Get swell soon, Yuvraj

Lalit Modi's latest demand

2010-08-11T22:08:00.001+05:30

On Bored: LKM in color

If I was a ball

2010-08-07T23:03:00.001+05:30

If you was a ball

Whose bat would you be touched by

If you was a ball

Whose bat would you be touched by

If I was a ball I’d like to stay in shape

I’d like to travel far beyond the boundary ropes

If I was a ball

I’d like to go for an on drive

I’d like fielders running after me

Like boys run after girls

I’d like them to chase me, always interested somehow

Never giving up hope

I’d like to be played off the pads

Pulled and cut and flicked

But never in anger

I may be a ball, but I got my feelings

Feelings that very few can tell

Feelings that very special few can tell

Very, very special few can tell

If I was a ball, I’d like to be touched

By VVS’ bat

He doesn’t ignore, he plays me

With his bat

The pads they’re part of his uniform

What’s with Laxman, he’s always in form

If I was a ball, If you was a ball

Whose bat would you be touched by?

on bored: vvs laxman

Drinks

2010-08-04T01:43:00.000+05:30

There's a disturbing story on cricinfo. This should never have happened. This is the way it was supposed to be.

Shahid Afridi reacts after test defeat

2010-08-01T23:12:00.002+05:30

click on cartoon

On Bored: Salman's Butt speaking

drawn on recycled paper

Bedi's latest barb at Murali

2010-07-30T13:14:00.001+05:30

Murali should represent Sri Lanka in the Commonwealth Games...in the javelin and shot put events

on bored: bedi vs murali

Malinga in black and white

2010-07-25T02:49:00.000+05:30

On closer observation it was obvious that

Lasith Malinga’s stiff knee had nothing to do with cricket.

On Bored: Malinga's true colors

Maruti Suzuki congratulates Murali

2010-07-22T18:01:00.000+05:30

On Bored: When Murali reached 800 wickets
Drawn on recycled paper

Pakistan's day in the sun

2010-07-22T02:56:00.000+05:30

It’s been a long while since Pakistan won a full day’s play against Australia. To string two sessions together, that usually takes some doing for them. Even at 29/4, after Ponting’s wicket, you expected Hussey to kick in. Instead the umpire kicked in, Hussey got a dodgy decision.

Then Butt’s captaincy kicked in, and when was the last time that happened for Pakistan? Instinct, part-time bowler, both coming off – part-timer beats bat, picks a second over, picks a wicket. Butt looked pumped, think I saw him fold hands heavenwards for an instant.

Going by experience, you will still back Pakistan to lose from here – take a 100 -120 run lead, and then slide into classic second innings bowling mode – languid bowlers that miss the first innings’ spark. Australia, worst case scenario, notch up 250-275 (if heavy conditions hold along with Hussey and some tailender freak show); Pakistan up against 150 or so; one Aussie quick gets his mojo back, Pakistan get bowled out for 88 or whereabouts. Yeah, you’d expect that from Pak.

Be good if it doesn’t happen though, like to see this Pak side bat, see the Akmal’s put up their cricket ballet show, 6,4, 4 sort of thing. Notch up a big lead, and see the likes of Asif and Co well rested after their monumental task (of bowling 33.1 overs) let rip again.

Anything can happen with a Pakistan kitchenette. Butt...

On Bored: Shoaib Malik's ironic post match con

India vs Sri Lanka Live Telecast

2010-07-17T21:12:00.003+05:30

On Bored: Scared Lankans

You are the Boom Boom!

2010-07-17T01:32:00.003+05:30

You are the boom boom

BOOM BOOM!

You are the bass guitar

You the lead sitar

You are a rock band

You are the front man

You are Bono, Jagger, Jim and Jimmie

But you got stuck playing test cricket again.

On Bored: Ringside view of Afridi's retirement

Shahid Afridi's shocking new confession

2010-07-16T19:35:00.001+05:30

On Bored: Afridi's batting practice

Mrs Ponting confesses

2010-07-15T01:24:00.000+05:30

Lately, when I get close to him, he elbows me...

On Bored: Why Shoaib Malik missed team practice
(drawn on recycled paper)

A good call

2010-07-12T03:57:00.001+05:30

I got a call, I got a call
that the Poms gotta get 10 off 6 balls
I got a call, I got a call
10 off 6 balls, 10 off 6 balls
But that's not all
They're 9 down baby, 9 down baby
So I leave my guests high and dry
They look at me and collectively sigh
Oh, you're not leaving us high and dry

Before i can answer, I'm gone
It's a little strange, it's a little deranged
Trott is still batting
When I last saw
Trott was still batting
Botham gasped at some amazing timing
But I say, at 9 down, Trott still batting
That's amazing timing

2 of the 1st ball
2 of the 2nd ball
Surely they'll get
2 of the 3rd ball
2 of the 4th ball
and be thru on the 5th ball

I got a call, I got a call
The Poms gotta get, 6 off 4 balls
And what, who's that kid bowling
he bowls the slow ball baby
And Trott edges it
I got a call, I got a call
In 3 balls I saw the whole damn one day game
If you gotta friend
You too must call
Call, tell a friend to watch
Watch a game that B'desh gonna win
Thanks SP
You made a call, you made a call
A good call...

New on Bored: Player Profiles

Why watch Pak play

2010-07-06T02:15:00.001+05:30

Before Pakistan went down under, I believed they were a better team than Australia. I was wrong, as Pakistan was not a team, and their motley group of ball throwers and ball hitters soon started to resemble a badly funded Russian circus. Still I watched, not so much in hope for them, but because of the senior most player in the team.

Not MoYo, not Younis, not Afridi, (was he even there?), but big lips, Umar Akmal. He played in spite of the idiocy around him; innings after innings he was the only reason any Pakistani would dare watch his team play.

Today, when Pak played Australia, they were determined to lose again, but for Umar Akmal. They bat him as low as 6 so the millionaires can bankrupt the team, and then, hand the lost venture to Umar – hey kid, we’re in the red, can you do something? And boy, can he do something – he will play shots you forgot are played, he will run for a tailender, he will run for you, he will run for Pakistan.

It’s been a rotten year for cricket, what with the muck around, almost unwatchable. Good there’s a player like Umar Akmal, you can write about the cricket again. And not the politics that threaten to destroy it.

Ultimate Solution for Pakistan Cricket

2010-07-06T01:47:00.000+05:30

No, it has nothing to do with India or Kashmir.

There's only one solution for Pakistan cricket: your first name gotta be UMAR.
- via Naked Cricket on twitter

It's not tough, this is how it will be -

1. Umar Butt
2. Umar Hasan
3. Umar Akmal (Sr)
4. Umar Malik
5. Umar Afridi
6. Umar Akmal (Jr)
7. Umar Razzaq
8. Umar Aamer
9. Umar Gul
10.Umar Akhtar
11.Umar Ajmal

Now that's harmony. They'll all be on first name basis again.

On Bored: Read my lips

In Response to MSD's marriage

2010-07-05T12:29:00.000+05:30

Click on pic to enlarge

On Bored: more on Dhoni's wedding

Because he's Che not Chettinad

2010-07-03T14:43:00.000+05:30

Good thing, we're talking about Che again on Bored. He should have been in the test team, before a Yuvraj in decline, and I'm tempted to say, even a Raina on the incline. The Lanka series, that was the time to get him in. What are the selectors scared of, Che in Lanka, can't risk it, if he scores one too many hundreds, how will they fetch their favourite hitmakers.

Where will Sharad Pawar sit

2010-07-02T11:45:00.000+05:30

Now that Pawar is Pres of the ICC that has its HQ in Dubai, where will the great man hold court? Stuff like that occupies my mind. So I did a search, which got me here -

Pawar assured he won't have any problem juggling his jobs as a minister minister and ICC president.

"Fortunately, the ICC HQ is in Dubai and Dubai works on Saturday and Sunday. So generally, I've to spend three to four days in a month on Sundays. So it's a matter of two-hour flight. So I think there won't be any difficulty.

"Secondly, I will discuss with the prime minister about my responsibilities and will take appropriate decisions so that my government work is not affected.

"I may suggest for more hands. I had asked for three ministers (of state) but they have given only one," Pawar said.

On Bored: Bored Peon + Bored Neon on Pawar

RCIKTEC

2010-06-29T00:12:00.001+05:30

The last few months have been rough following cricket. It’s been not so much watching cricket as taking the piss. It’s easier to do cartoons, ramble on; long time I wrote a cricket lyric, is there a lyric left in cricket? Modi’s been ideal for the toons, Pak’s politics too, and they both lend themselves to a page 2 format – which is what Bored Cricket Crazy Indians always was. But beyond the Pg 2 histrionics, you gotta have some real sport. If what we watch are cricket cartoons, then no toon we make can match up.

There’s a test series on in the Windies, not watching, but then nor are the players. Spare a thought for Robin Jackman and Ian Bishop, being paid is one thing, to be enthused as they are, is forgery beyond the call of duty.

In all this, thank god for England, more than beating Australia, it’s as if they beat themselves. You gotta keep looking, who knows, after the white ball, they’ll turn to a football.

Made it.

2010-06-27T15:23:00.003+05:30

If there was one cricket stadium in the world I had to get my hands on, it was this: At Dharamsala. Infiltrating into India from POK is easier, here they gave me the run-around like I was Yuvraj Singh. Once I sneaked in, the caterers told me I needed permission from Chauhan Sahb. Which is when I saw some workers walk through, I lifted a shovel and walked in myself. On my way out, the caterers pointed Chauhan sahb to me. I shouted my Namaste Chauhan Sahb! He waved back like I was Yuvraj Singh.

On Bored: Cricket in the heavens

Next in the Pak entourage

2010-06-20T13:47:00.001+05:30

The old India beaters are all there: Aqib Javed, Ijaz Ahmed, excellent prop the latter makes. As disgruntled as ever, to keep him that way, he is not allowed a chair. He stands, angrily, channelizing his negative energy on to India. And Aqib Javed, fresh from spitting at his mates in that hearing, is hawk eye, stumpcam all rolled into one; he stands too. Waqar Younis clean-shaven and all, looks more the bowler that yorked India. He sits, somewhat confused.

Why stop at them, bring on Zaheer Abbas and Javed Miandad while you're at it. Ramiz Raja anyone? Wouldn't that be nice.

Who are these Micromax guys

2010-06-16T00:56:00.001+05:30

They put their name to the Micromax Cup in Zim, and now in Lanka – but what restraint, if they had put their name to the Micromax Cup, it really should have been the Micromax Micromax Cup. But then they think micro to the max.

I’ve just been at the About Us page at Micromax.com - never felt so stoned. There’s the homepage, that has Twinkle of course.

Once you visit their site you will watch the Micromax Asia Cup. And pigs fly.

On Bored: Is it the Asia Cup

ET strikes in so many ways

2010-06-14T01:21:00.000+05:30

Jaidev Unadkat E.T.

Stick yr neck out, spot the difference.

On Bored: A matter of concern

India needs a Saurav

2010-06-09T01:34:00.001+05:30

Even if his name's spelt Saurabh. Here's Saurabh Tiwary's cricket life so far. And here is his India A Captain Che Pujara's cricket life so far. Btw Saurabh's full name is Saurabh Sunil Tiwary.

Good luck, kid. I have nothing against you, I just have something more for Che. We did talk a lot about Che on BCC! . It's just that the other BCCI picks the team.

On Bored: Nobody was picked, Nobody was dropped (after writing this post, I did think about Che, is he a nobody too? The next Subramaniam Badrinath - is that what they'll make of him?)

Should Yuvraj have been dropped now

2010-06-08T01:47:00.002+05:30

It should not have come to this, Yuvi should have been rested much earlier. I recall chats with SP way before this IPL, when we thought there was no way Yuvi was fit, leave alone match fit.

In the past, some seniors, esp Sachin, prefer a break when the going's not too great. At no time in his career, can I recall Sachin being dropped. He usually rests himself. And it's often after failed world cup campaigns.

Each team has at least one, if not two players, that they refuse to drop no matter what - they are the star players, the cricketing face of the nation. It is the cricket board's job to shepherd these players through rough times. Btw do you recall Ponting being dropped in the last ten years?

While Yuvi is nowhere near Sachin's stature, maybe not even level with MSD, but he's definitely No. 3 when it comes to the commercial face, however warped, of Indian cricket.

That doesn't bother me either. I'm all for dropping anyone and everyone, call it rest, drop, just clear the furniture. That's been the problem with Yuvraj, he's been costly furniture for a while, and it's cost India plenty, esp in the T20 World Cup. Add to Yuvi, the luxuries of having Yusuf Pathan in the side, and you know, the Indian team had an expense account eating into its performance.

I don't think dropping Yuvi was easy for the selectors, they just could not hold on to him any more. With similar showings, lesser mortals like Sehwag have been dropped many times over in the past.

In Yuvi's case, more than dropping him, it's like dropping the market forces that allow him to levitate in the field. The thud-landing was coming, it's a shame it took so long. Now why am I thinking of Ishant Sharma....

On Bored: What Yuvi did...

Srikkanth's approach to team selection

2010-06-07T15:08:00.000+05:30

Little Lalit at the Record Store

2010-06-02T12:49:00.002+05:30

click on little lalit

By the way

2010-05-31T23:51:00.001+05:30

It’s taken me the best of two days to pin down who Rohit Sharma reminds me of: Ijaz Ahmed, the neighbourhood butcher. Ijaz was bad news for India, and Rohit, until the twin hundreds struck his fancy was no different. But more than those lame comparisons, I think it’s the languid, heavy way of the players. And then of course, those eyebrows, and though I’ve not looked into either Ijaz’s or Rohit’s eyes, there is something there.

But what is it they say, that lazy elegance, in the case of Ijaz it was lazy-antithesis of elegance, and with Rohit I still can’t say.

On Bored: Nohit Sharma

The Dance

2010-05-28T23:12:00.000+05:30

Did you see those Zim kids’ dance? They kept patting their hearts, that was the groove. Then there was another kid who patted his shoulder. If Zimbabweans can dance like that, their batsmen gotta use their feet more often, just like they did today.

India’s openers were stuck within the crease lines, like it was some Laxman rekha drawn by MSD (which they could only leave once he returned). Vijay left the lines, naturally he got run-out.

And did you see the kids’ dance? The little black kid with the big eyes in the oversized pullover – there is something to Zim cricket when they win, their people get happy like they wanna embrace what happy is. It’s beautiful, really is.

On Bored: Amit Mishra fast catching up with Bhajji

Suresh Raina in fancy dress

2010-05-25T23:07:00.006+05:30

I have always been a big fan of

Roman generals like Russel Crowe in Gladiator!

On Bored: Raina's bizarre fielding drills

Mohammad Asif snorts

2010-05-22T17:16:00.006+05:30

On Bored: Pak Solution

Sway

2010-05-21T02:50:00.004+05:30

This wasn’t a game you invest an evening in, and feel bad about later. I invested 4 balls, and I’m feeling bad about it.

The beer glasses swayed, there was hope in them, the peoples felt there was a chance, they swayed. I stood, TV on mute, am on mute, swayed. There’s a chance. What was it 5 of 3? Gayle was still, but he swayed too, that bemused look, we can close it.

That’s the good part of the Windies, the hope, it lingers, it sways, in spite of the cricket. With 2 wickets, 12 of 6, Sammy could have been the man – it just wasn’t his match.

The Windies lost by one run. Botha should be the man of the match; made some runs, got that Pollard’s wicket (if you can bowl slow, call yourself a spinner, you will too).

And I listen to Sway now.

What the devil got into India

2010-05-19T02:05:00.001+05:30

There are teams you know should lose, because they’re determined to – The Daredevils picked badly, (no leggie Ladda or quick-gun Umesh Yadav in most games). Instead they picked on old cracked up reputations and shifty firangs. DD was blind to the obvious – both Yadav and Ladda had enough to play most games. Instead they packed the team with part-timers, who could both cook and wash, but the food wasn't tasty and the plates weren't clean.

Ditto India. No Mishra, no Ojha, and no visa for Umesh Yadav. But loads of guys who can cook and wash, but...

Between BossDK and Gambhir, they made some astonishing calls as captain. If you probe deep enough, they’re worthy of nut-case studies. MSD matched them toss for toss – he did enough to play for DD next season. There are theories that BossDK had inhabited MSD, but then there are also theories that GG had...

There’s more, but both the IPL and the T20 Cup are a long way off. And if they didn’t care, why should we? Let’s leave this post incomplete, like they left...

On Bored: The Daredevil Touch

No #

2010-05-19T01:26:00.001+05:30

The IPL had #IPL. That you can never take away from it. What did the ICC World Twenty20 have?

#WorldT20? No way. You wanna tweet or write a book. T20WC, that’s toilet and you know it. T20WorldCup, too long. I’m not even sure we agreed on a # for this tournament.

Most times, most of us dumped the #. It wasn’t A grade # anyway. Next time whenever the ICC decides to have the short tournament with the long name, work some on the branding.

Make people talk about it. Ok, it doesn’t have to be short, something memorable will do – Sidebottom? You never know what you stumble on with an open mind – the ICC could just call the ICC League – IL, they’re sick, and if they play it in Chicago winter, so will everyone else be.

On Bored: What is a Show Cause Notice?

Spare a thought for Saeed Ajmal.

2010-05-15T18:44:00.003+05:30

In the happiest of times, Ajmal looks sad. Must be those eyebrows, there’s irony and grief written there – what use it winning all those games, when I must bowl the losing over. In that last over, those eyebrows became a river continuously changing its course.

After his 18th over, I really felt for him – I dreaded what the 20th may do to him or his eyebrows. I tweeted - Really wonder how Ajmal’s eyebrows will hold up in the 20th - anything less than 15 will be game on. What I meant was anything less than 20, but that sounded too gimmicky, what with twenty20 and 20th over, so I made it 15.

And even though 17 is less than 15, Ajmal knew what I knew – that Hussey fellah will even get 42 in this over if he has to – he will force me to bowl no balls, wides, bad balls.

He also knew, if he tied the game, they will force him to bowl the super over – he just had to end it there, for his own good, and that of his eyebrows.

Did you know, Ajmal was the last one to get on the team bus, and he sat all alone in the last seat. He tossed the ball a few times, and said, this is not salad – how can I keep tossing it?

Oh, these last overs, they can screw you.

New! IPL Merchandise for 2011

2010-05-14T14:24:00.000+05:30

Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies

2010-05-12T12:47:00.002+05:30

1. Because Australia was going to anyway. They played Steven Smith. What did Smith do – he did Pollard.

12.3 85.9 kph, gone! Lovely piece of bowling from Smith, he's turned the ball just past the bat of Pollard, who is trying to get forward and work through leg, and Haddin whips the bails off, no need for the third umpire there 77/6

A few weeks back in the IPL, one anonymous leg spinner, a guy called, whatshisname Ladda was picked by the defending semi finalists, Delhi Daredevils. He bowled his first over of the match, the 18th – to Pollard. Pollard miss-timed a few but got them over the ropes anyway. Ladda did not bowl the 20th.

That was Gambhir’s captaincy. Something that’s rubbed off Dhoni. Gambhir at least bowls Mishra, Dhoni rather bowl batsmen.

2. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
This was not the Hero Cup, this was the Losers’ Cup and India had to defend their early exit in the last edition – that was no fluke.

3. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Anil Kumble and Hirwani have retired.

4. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Piyush Chawla refused to have his head bandaged – not like Kumble who had an open mind, head…

5. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Refer to 1. If India played a leggie, that would prepare the Windies for the Aussie game, and for India to advance to the semis it was imperative that Australia beat the Windies.

12.4 85.6 kph, first ball! Smith is on a hat-trick! Tossed up on leg and turning back to off, Sammy has gone for the drive but straight back to the bowler, who takes a good catch 77/7

Steven Smith was Man of the match

6. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
It was wrong enough to pick Chawla to play him would have been wronger

7. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
At 21 years, 139 days, international debut more than 4 years’ back, long periods out of the team, Chawla is jaded and not the bowler he once was – whereas Smith, 20 years 344 days, made his debut earlier this year. He’s a farm fresh leg spinner, not even the Windies' videos know how to play him.

8. Why India did not play a leg spinner against the West Indies
Beats me, and it beats India too.

On Bored: India is over and out of the World Twenty20 + MSD: Mahi, Sex aur Dhoka

Little Lalit (After India lost to the Windies)

2010-05-10T14:05:00.003+05:30

Eureka!! Let's have a little IPL when they get back

Little Lalit

2010-05-07T16:06:00.007+05:30

You arrogant little twerp, how dare you start
your own exam league for English students??

little lalit - a new strip

2010-05-07T12:23:00.003+05:30

LALIT was once little lalit, in lowercase just like you and me. What was life like then - gonna have a look in little lalit. A new strip here at naked cricket.

Guten Morgan & Arg Duckworth-Lewis*

2010-05-04T21:50:00.007+05:30

When Eoin Morgan went wonky with his reverse sweeps, Paul Collingwood got all giggly ‘n’ girlie. It was funny alright. I have never seen Collingwood look amused. That he doesn’t have a sense of humour is obvious. But in spite of that he can giggle. For me that was the high point of the game.

Morgan has this effect on people. Though I wasn’t sitting in a dugout, I did look sideways, and smile. I am convinced, one day, soon, Morgan will manipulate the rules, uproot a stump and hit the ball for six. He will start a new cult, and though it should be called Nagrom Nioe (Eoin Morgan spelt in reverse), he won’t have it any other way – that Modi guy, he’ll uproot the idea and call it something far more accessible – Second-Base Ball. The commentators will crack jokes on the lines of, hey, are you on second base, already? Ready to play ball? But that is Modi’s mantra, and not Morgan’s.

Coming back to Morgan, Colly, and how good it looked at 191. This is why they should have stump mikes in the dugout, so we could have heard Colly get all smug.

And then capture the scene after Duckworth-Lewis pissed on their parade. It would’ve made excellent cinema, the classic before-after ad. Colly glad man, Colly mad man.

Look at the bright side, thanks to the damn D/L method, at least we have something to talk about in this highly intellectual ICC World Twenty20. Can’t they have a rule where the players wear specks and look all geeky – that way we’ll know it’s serious sport.

As for D/L, you guys actually get paid for this?

* If you’re wondering why the headline’s in a foreign language, don’t – it’s just that D/L method

On Bored: Duckworth Lewis + The Mahi-meter

A big know-know: India in the World T20.

2010-05-01T16:39:00.003+05:30

There is no RP Singh, ominous for India’s opponents. Also, Irfan Pathan will not bowl the last over, so you can’t afford to have anything more than 16 to get in the 20th. And the freebies in the super-overs sans Ishant Sharma, not going to be the same. Also Ishant hasn’t spoken to any of the youngsters (they’re older than him), so the semi-quicks will not carry with them the burden of Ishant’s youth.

Angry young man Gambhir will open the batting, and running with him will be rough. Dravid’s not there, so after Gambhir, there will not be anyone to keep up the high standard of aimless running between the wickets. India’s opponents will have to be on their toes, a few wickets could be gifted through idiotic running, but after Gambhir they’re pretty much on their own. Even taking Gambhir’s wicket for granted could be perilous, his bad run could well be a no-show, as in, he refuses to run.

If MS Dhoni is incapacitated (too much T20, takes a sabbatical) and Gambhir captains, India’s exit could be during the post toss interview, wherein Gambhir angers Afghanistan – calling them a dangerous side, or some such politically incorrect remark, mixing politics and cricket. Following which, Afghanistan does indeed become a dangerous side, rocket launchers for bowlers, guerrilla tactics in the field (fielders hiding behind boundary line hoardings appearing when least expected, snaring catches, blocking boundaries – as is the saying in Afghanistan, there are no boundaries…we like to seep into Pak and Iran and here and there (not quite the same when translated from Pushtoo, but that’s the gist).

Matters could worsen if Gambhir is unplayable too (banned) and BossDK takes over. Under him, the side will overachieve as nincompoops, following in his battered footsteps of derailed captaincy, keeping and batsmanship.

It could all go very wrong if Yusuf Pathan sticks to his international form, first ball duck coming. Rohit Sharma too would’ve snapped out of his IPL run, and will be all un-intense for the national squad. What about Raina, even he doesn’t know if he can resist the lures of midwicket.

But there’s Bhajji’s propaganda, Bhajji wielding Sachin’s bat, wanting to bat up the order, bowl up the order, field up the order, and cause general anarchy up the order – if all else fails, Bhajji will cheer you up. Zaks will make intense faces, become bowling captain, and urge overkill after a wicket. Praveen Kumar will bowl inane bouncers at 125 kmph. Piyush Chawla will make baby faces. Murali Vijay will always be grownup, always staring.

But there’s no Jatman. But it’s the T20 world cup, and he’s never there.

On Bored: Lalit Modi in the Carribean

Lalit Modi in his free time

2010-04-29T12:02:00.002+05:30

On Bored: More cricket cartoons

You can count on Suresh Raina after you drop him twice.

2010-04-26T21:30:00.006+05:30

Raina is keen. And MSD’s done well to back him, (even ahead of Nohit Sharma, imagine). The kid brings a simple cricketing intensity, there’s no side to him, no nakharas. He plays some hard cricket, loves his midwicket shots so much he forgets to play offside, loves his fielding, and doesn’t return favours, dropping catches.

When he bowls, holding back the delivery till he gauges the batsman’s movement till the last instant, you sense the masti Raina gets out of his cricket. When was the last time you saw that in an Indian cricketer – no tension, happy bowling, fielding, catching, batting.

Now you know why the twosome collectively spilled him, why Zaks dropped him. Raina is a lappa – when he’s not hitting the ball far, he’s hitting it high – it’s like aiming at a bird, a plane, superman, and marking them as the boundary.

Raina is the endearing little bully from the neighbourhood park – everybody knows he’s better than them, including him.

The IPL can be almost too easy for a player like Raina or Nohit or Yusuf – their abridged focus, some yaari-walli bowling, it’s tonk-tonk time.

While it’ll be great to see them go nuts in the T20 World Cup, these guys gotta extend their think-span overseas, and then who knows, a longer format. How ‘bout one-dayers to begin with?

On Bored: The Great Bored Scandal